She walks into the coffee shop and spots it; a rare empty seat. Her hair is fiery red, her face is wrinkled from her many years of hardship and sun exposure. Her curves, which are plenty, are enrobed in a skin tight burgundy velour dress.

She makes her way to the counter and orders her drink, “Ice water please, that’s all”. Her accent is thick. “Is that everything” the cashier asks, a little taken aback. “Yes, yes, that’s all” she says.

She makes her way to the table and sits, staring out at the window towards the city and it’s many wonders. She sips on her free ice water. It feels cool and refreshing after being out in the hot summer sun.

She looks down at the table and spots it; the cardboard table advertisement. “Free Wi-Fi for everyone”. ‘Wow,’ she thinks, ‘this must be my lucky day. Not only did I get a free place to sit while I sip on my free water, but now this’.

She makes her way to the counter once more, to claim her reward. She clutches the cardboard advertisement in her hand. She asks the cashier, “This is free?” pointing to the cardboard in her hand. “Yes” says the cashier. “I don’t have”, she says, “can I have?” The cashier seems a little confused, and senses that the Lady in Velour is also. “That’s for the internet”, she tells the Lady. “You use it with your computer”. The lady ponders for a second and ask “I can’t have then?”. “No ma’am, it’s free to use the internet here, that’s what that means”.

The lady makes her way back to her table, defeated, and continues watching the city and it’s wonders, sipping her cool refreshing water.

At the table next to the Lady in Velour, a woman sits with her husband. Tears stream down her face from trying to hold in her laughter. She wipes them away, catching her husband’s attention. “Was she trying to get her free Wi-Fi?” he asks his wife upon seeing the Lady in Velour return to her seat with the cardboard in her hand. “Yes!” she says, as low as she can. The husband is a little confused, he needs clarification. “Did she think it was an object you got for free, like a drink?” The wife wipes away another tear, “Yes!” she whispers through laughs “We have to leave immediately before I pee my pants”.

The End.

I just saw something on T.V. that made me laugh so hard, I almost choked on my home made Starbucks iced coffee. Too delicious to waste going down a wind pipe. Damn atheists and their crazy antics.

Apparently, there’s this group of “atheists” who are going to not so great lengths to reverse their baptisms. They do this with the help of a middle aged man, adorned in a black caped robe, wielding a huge, wait for it; Hair Dryer. Not just any hairdryer, the turbo hairdryer of the anti-god. Ok, I made that last part up, but there was some writing wrapped around what I could see of the dryer, in the fabulous video, and it had the word TRUTH in bold letters on it. Wow.

Now, I’m not religious per say. My beliefs revolve more around nature and keeping it alive, so it can keep me alive. It’s not so much a religion, but more of a survival instinct. I grew up in a “born again” Christian family however. I never really believed any of it. That doesn’t mean that I look down on people who do believe in an all mighty God. No matter who that may be. God, Buddha, Moses, L.Ron Hubbard.

I believe that people should live and let live. As long as you’re not harming anyone with your beliefs, pray or meditate away. I think it’s great that some people have something they can turn to when they need solace or peace. Myself, I use books and movies. I don’t care what anyone else believes in, as long as they’re not stopping me on the street or knocking on my door to try to convert me. If 11 years of going to church during my most influential years (6-17) didn’t stick, I hardly think that spending 30 minutes with me at 29 will. Sorry, seek your soul saving quota next door.

For all the strange rituals some people do for their religion, I find a lot of them quite beautiful. Baptisms has it’s merits. Burning incense and chanting is quite beautiful.

What isn’t beautiful? What is just plain crazy? Well, putting on a cape, taking a hair dryer and taping words on it and blow drying someone’s hair when it’s already dry. Yup, that’s just stupid. Getting together with a group of like minded people and performing a ritual, well, that’s sort of a religious act isn’t it?

How can you look down your nose on a group of people who get together to perform a ritual act, then get your own group together to lend credence to the act itself? If you don’t believe in god, then you don’t believe in the merit of baptism or what it stands for. Why then would you feel the need to reverse it? With a blow dryer?

Watch, now they’re going to mass produce and market the “Baptism Reversal Hair Dryer”. Have you been baptized against your will when you were a baby? Have you been baptized an an adult and have suddenly changed your mind? Have you renounced Christianity and all it’s teachings? Do you have absolutely nothing better to do other than to get together with other non-believers for a couple hours of blow drying? This product is for you!

They’ll probably get that Slap-Chop guy to do the infomercial.

This was such a fun movie. The action was almost non-stop, but the story moved on and kept me interested. Diaz and Cruise have great chemistry, and they manage to play their “romance” scenes together without making the story come to a halt and boring the audience.

The story goes as such: June Havens (Cameron Diaz) meet Roy Miller (Tom Cruise) at an airport, and sparks fly. Both between them, and from the plane wreckage left by Miller after killing everyone on board, and crash landing it in a corn field.

Roy is on the run from the government agency he’s working for due to the fact that they think he’s gone rogue and crazy. He’s also on a self imposed mission to save the very young scientist he’s accused of wanting to kill. Due to circumstances I won’t bore you with, June is along for the ride. Sometimes unconsciously. As in passed out. It’s a funny little gimmick that actually works for this movie.

Cameron Diaz is great as always. She’s beautiful and funny, without looking like she’s trying too hard. Her character wasn’t some unlikeable bimbo. She was smart and capable, and even when she’s screaming for fear, you can’t help but laugh at her expressions. There’s a very funny scene where she’s injected with truth serum by some bad guys.

Tom Cruise. You can’t help but love the guy. He exudes charm every time he exhales, he’s just so likable. His character Miller has all of Ethan Hunts (MI movies) moves and tricks, but with Jerry Maguire’s charm. It’s really not hard to see why a smart woman would fall for the guy and want to risk a great deal to be with him.

With the 2 leads being Cruise and Diaz, this is hardly a gamble at the box office for your money. All in all, this is a perfect Summer movie, and the second I’ve seen in months that I plan on purchasing.

People love each other for all sorts of reasons. It’s still loving each other despite other reasons that impresses me more.

This rant came to me after cleaning the bathroom. Specifically, after scrubbing the toilet. More on that later.

People fall in love for many reasons. Physical attraction, intellectual attraction, same taste in movies etc…. It’s easy to fall in love. It’s more impressive when people still love each other after finding out all their faults. After all the hardships life throws at us.

Real love, as some popular movie quotes would have you believe, does NOT mean never having to say you’re sorry. Hell now. Love means having to say you’re sorry, or you get the couch. Sometimes.

Sometimes things just don’t work. You start off with plans and dreams, but those don’t always come to fruition. One of you may lose your job. You may not be able to produce those children you always planned for. You may never be able to afford that big house with a big back yard. The true test of love is being happy with someone regardless of all the things you won’t have or do.

Now for the lighter, and in some cases icky, side of this rant.

Real love means sharing. Sharing many things.Good things, and bad things. Really bad things sometimes. Here are a few things we need to share with the people we love, and somehow still manage to love them.

Space.

Visiting someone’s home and living with them aren’t the same. Some people will make a point of cleaning up when they expect company. (I know my husband did.) When you live with someone and you have to pick up their dirty socks and underwear, it doesn’t exactly make you want to, well, you know. Humpa Humpa, as my charming hubby used to say.

The dishes need to get done. The laundry is piling up. The garbage is starting to stink and why the hell won’t he just take it out!!! Ahhhh! Those can be just a few instances where one might be tempted to commit homicide by frying pan. “I don’t know what happened officer, he said he wanted to fry up some eggs and accidentally fell on the pan. 4 times.” Ahem.

Bills.

It’s easy to get along with someone when the biggest thing you have to worry about is what movie or restaurant you should go to. Once you have to share living expenses though, boy do things start getting interesting.

If one of you doesn’t have your share of the bills and the other has to pay up for you, it can create a little animosity and resentment. Perhaps they spent too much on fast food? Or video games? Or on shoes? Who knows. If you’re not sharing an account, you probably never will.

Sharing living expenses and responsibility is hard. It’s not always the case that both of you are going to be great with money. One of you could downright suck. Relying on someone for your very livelihood demands a lot of trust and faith. If they slip and let you down, sometimes you just have to accept it, kick them in the shin, and move on. You have to really love someone in order to accept defeat, so to speak. It’s not just anyone you’d fork over your hard earned money for.

A bed.

Sharing a bed with someone for a couple a dates is not the same as sharing a bed with someone once you’re living together, and committed to each other. Some guy having sex with you doesn’t mean he loves you. Some guy wanting to still have sex with you after you’ve been less than sexy in bed however, now that’s true love.

First example: When I was dating my husband, I kept my make-up on when I slept over. I’d bring make-up for touch ups etc…. I remember taking a shower there and, due to the impromptu activities and consequential sleepover, I had no make-up on me. *Insert doom music*. “He’ll never want to see me again if he sees me like this. Oh no, on my god.” I might add here that I was 20 at the time. Ergo, I was stupid and naive. He obviously wasn’t that stupid and shallow, hence the 10 year (and still going) relationship that followed.

Waking up next to someone who looks completely different than when you went to bed together can come as a shock. What, you’re missing a tooth? Wait, your hair wasn’t facing straight up before? What’s all that black crap around your eyes?

Second, and most poignant example in my opinion is this:  women who are dating will make a point of holding in farts or running to the bathroom when she needs to let one rip. Once you’re in love, you can relax those cheeks and rest assured that he’ll still hold you. Once the smell has dissipated that is.

The bathroom.

No, I’m not just talking about how much time women spend in there. Lucky for my husband, I don’t actually get ready in the bathroom. I don’t fuss with my hair too much and I put my make-up on in the living room. Better natural light in there. Nothing worse than looking like a clown when you go outside because your bathroom light is slightly more yellow than the outside light.
No, my tests of true love is a little less pleasant than that.

First, women have a certain time of the month. Yup. Call it aunt flow. Riding the cotton pony. Whatever, we bleed. The evidence of which can be found in the garbage can. Nothing is sexier to a man than going to the bathroom, sitting down and looking at those delightful application tubes. Cringe if you will, it’s not sexy and we all know it.  They might come as a handy warning for what your partner is in for.  Can you say, “MOOD SWINGS!!!” . What’s even less sexy?

Real love means that, every now and then, we’re going to have to clean our man’s crap out of a toilet. Literally. If you can get on your hands and knees and work out a sweat cleaning up the result of the prior day’s burrito fest and still want to have sex with them, then you’re in love. It’s not exactly sexy, but when you love someone, you’re willing to put up, and clean up, a lot of crap.

Real love also means having to tolerate your husband using the freshly cleaned toilet.

Believe me, it’s hard to take in. Especially if you’re 1. Some guy with little to no chance of touching actual breasts, and feel threatened at the sight of men who do. Or 2.  an Emo teenager who updates your facebook every couple of hours with how hard your life is and how hurt your feelings are

Something that’s really starting to annoy me is the hate on certain movies that come out. Certain movies catered to teenage girls perhaps?

While at the movies last week, I had the misfortune of sitting in front of 6 stereotypically geeky men. I’m married to a geek, so I don’t have anything against geeks. These guys were playing hand held games, and were networked together to play it. The movie was rated R, so these were grown ups. They were in their early 20s.

On the screen comes a trailer for the upcoming Twilight movie. I’m not kidding, they all groaned together at the site of it. Why? I guess they’re not interested in seeing it. But perhaps they feel threatened by the fact that women would rather daydream about Robert Pattinson (insert girls screaming. Dreamy!!!) than ever let any of them (these were not cute guys) touch them? Ever?

I get that you don’t like the movies. I wasn’t crazy about them. I like them, but when I read the books the characters didn’t talk like they were suffering from cramps. I read Edward like he was a grown, 109 year old man, dealing with a teenage girl. No angst. Just normal speaking.

My problem with this is, no one is asking you to go see it! No one is forcing you to take the time and money and watch this movie, or any other movie catered to other target audiences. Do you think the teenage girls and mini-mos give a crap about the next robot/bad actress with giant breasts/sci-fi/action fest? No! They probably don’t. That’s why we’re lucky enough to have many, many bad movies to choose from, and a 14 year old’s money is as good as that of a 25 year old computer geek.

I remember a time when a certain movie came out about this guy who had daddy issues. He kissed his sister, got his hand chopped off and talked to robots and a giant dog. Indiana Jones was in it too. If you were one of the many people foolish enough to stand in line, overnight, to see how this story began back in 1998, you may be one of those people who hate on Twilight fans. Ironic. I would think you could relate to feeling such a close connection to a set of characters and wanting to watch their story unravel on the big screen. Princess Leia in a gold bikini for you, sexy vampires for them.

Something else that’s driving me a little crazy today is this: when did being miserable, feeling sorry for yourself and seeking attention by accomplishing nothing become the norm?

I had a rather interesting conversation with my Bestie yesterday. She made a great point of asking “when exactly did social networking become an activity worthy of mention in the said social networking update?” Indeed. How empty and boring must you be to have nothing better to do than go see what other people are doing with their life, or see what update they might be sharing, for hours on end?

My question was this: When did social networking updates become diary entries? A place to share all your thoughts about everything and everyone who’s your “friend”, no matter how personal or inappropriate?

I use the term friend very loosely and in quotes here because I think it’s a joke. If your only contact with someone is via a certain website, and you live in the same city, you’re not friends. You’re acquaintances. If they’re not willing to drop everything when you need them, they’re not really your friend. If the only way you have of knowing what’s going on in their life is via the site, wake up.

She told me of her 14 year old cousin. This cousin, along with many other teenage girls I’m sure, seems to think that her life is so hard. It sucks. Her parents suck. Her boyfriend sucks. How did my friend come by this information? By reading this ridiculous child’s updates, which show up on the home page whether you want to see them or not.

If you own a computer, a phone, are not starving, have a roof over your head and your own room, have loving parents who are still together and don’t beat you, I’m pretty sure you have no right to feel sorry for yourself. That’s just my opinion, and I have a not nearly unique enough right and point of view to share it. Your 14 year old boyfriend doesn’t “love” you anymore? Boohoo. You’ll have another one in a week.

I’m really sick of these little privileged children feeling sorry for themselves because it’s the cool thing to do now. Because they have some narcissistic need to have everyone pay attention to them and make them feel like they’re a unique and beautiful snow flake. Snow flakes melt when it gets warm. Strive to be yourself, but to be someone who does more than just sit around and feel sorry for yourself. What good are you bringing the world, and why should the world go out of it’s way to make you feel special when you care for no one except yourself?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I realize that some people have it rough. They come from broken homes, they have abusive parents and engage in abusive relationships. Most people who are actual victims of something terrible do not share this information on a social networking site. People who want attention do. People who need other people to tell them how special they are by way of posting a 2 line comment to their “Boohoo me” update do.

If you’re feeling sad and depressed and need a pick me up, please, pick up the phone and call someone who really, actually cares about you. Someone who thinks you’re worth more than a few clicks and keystrokes online. ‘Oh, I told him/her they’re super. That’s good enough’. I’ve never felt the need to whine about myself on my update. I’m awesome, that’s why. But also because my husband and best friend make sure that I feel valued, and I don’t need 20 other people to tell me how awesome I am.

What happened to escapism? My friend and I both found the same way of coping with our less than ideal situations while growing up. We read. When my life was unbearable and I wanted to do everything I could to forget and be someone else, I did. I picked up a book and ran away, in my head, to a better place. I became another girl in a different school, with a different family, or the silly family cat.

I coped, grew up, moved away and moved on. I lived my own fairy tale. I found my beast who became my prince and realized that my life is what I make of it. My own family failed me, so I made my own. If you’re an older member of my family and are reading this, you know what I’m talking about, so I refuse to apologize for that statement. I have an incredible memory.

Wow, it got dark there. Whew! I’m ok, moving on….

What do these 2 topics have in common? I’m getting sick and tired of people thinking that the world should revolve around them, and that they’re the only ones that matter. Their problems are worse than anybody’s, their taste of entertainment is better than anyone else, and anyone who disagrees should die. Or is stupid.

YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. You are a part of the world, not it’s dictator. Just because you don’t like something, doesn’t mean it should cease to exist. If you don’t have anything to offer the world other than sad, pathetic whining, you are not a constructive part of it. You are a part of the slushy puddle of melted snowflakes that make up all of us in the world. Get used to it.

You see, the MTV movie awards, while not as serious about films, are really fun. This year Tom Cruise stole the show with his Len Grossman reprise from Tropic Thunder, and it was beautiful. Some people get awards they would not stand a chance getting at any of the “serious” award shows. But the MTV movie awards are for everyone, so any movie, of any rating, can be nominated.

One award show I don’t watch is the Teen Choice awards. I haven’t been a teen in, well, I’m 29, so in quite a long time. I pay little attention to the show and who gets nominated. I stumbled on this article today and thought it was quite interesting. Read it and see if you agree with him. I know I do.

That’s right, I got a brand spanking shiny new laptop. Courtesy of my honey, Mr. Zaal.

You see, for 2 years my Beast was in school. He was studying to be a full fledged certified geek. AKA taking an I.T. program in college. I was a good little housewife. I kept my complaining to a minimum. Ok, that last part is a total lie, but we’re good. For the second year, we agreed he couldn’t work and go to school, so we agreed I would take care of us while he worked towards “a brighter future”. As a birthday present, I also paid for a semester of school.

I know! I’m pretty awesome eh? Well, I didn’t see it as a choice. It had to be done, he’s my husband and I love him. I take care of the people I love. It’s a very small circle of people who have the privilege, so in the end I’m not spending that much more money.

I was pretty lonely however, and I was lucky enough to have the ear, and time, of my bestie Janice. My friend Bill was pretty good to talk to as well. He was taking a similar program at the same school, so it was easy for him to relate to both me and my husband.

Oh man, my shoulders hurt from carrying this big wooden cross. Phew! No, I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I’m simply stating the facts. Sure it sucked sometimes and I missed having my honey around. He put 99% of himself in school, and gave me whatever time he could spare. I don’t begrudge him that. I’m pretty independent and am fully capable of self entertaining. Movies and books are my primary form of entertainment and encompass a very large part of my life, and neither of these things require me to have someone with me to do them. “Ok, you read one page out loud, and I’ll read the other one”. Not so much.

Throughout this last year, during which I was his sugar mama, Zaal kept telling me he was going to get me a present when he was done school, and I jokingly said I wanted a ruby. A big, shiny, red ruby. Why? Because I’m not all that big with the jewelry. I like earthy stones like amber, but big flashy things aren’t really a part of my every day garb. So to me it was a big joke. “Get me a ruby honey. Yeah! One that will blind people if they see me on a sunny day.”

Obviously, since there hasn’t been any incidents on the news about some crazy lady blinding people with her bling on 17th ave Sw, I am not the proprietor of a shiny blinding ruby.

I am, however, the recipient of this new toy, on which I’m typing right now. It’s a Ruby Red Dell Laptop. It’s 17 inches of awesome. I can watch movies on it. I have 2 little speakers at the front here that provide me with decent surround sound. It’s just so much prettier than a real ruby. And way more entertaining and practical. Zaal does kind of look at it longingly, so I’m worried he’s going to steal it back. It is covetable though, so I understand. Please let me keep it!

He has a new job that’s 4 words long, Systems  Analyst Commercial Services, and carries around business cards, so I’m sure he can treat himself with one later. Does it sound like I’m tooting my husband’s horn here? Bragging perhaps? Well too bad! I’m proud of my husband for his accomplishment. Other people have kids and dogs they can be proud of, I have Beast and my biting wit.

So thank you honey for the awesome gift. I’ll be sure to treasure it and take care of it and love it and maybe kiss it a couple more times. Ahem.

I wouldn’t say no to a real ruby though. A solitaire pendant. Princess cut. *cough cough*. Not that I’ve thought about it or anything. *looks away and starts whistling*

Thank you Billy and Janice for your time and patience and ears. I may have killed someone had you guys not been there.

Congratulations Chris and Billy on your graduation tomorrow. If you’re on stage and hear some crazy lady woohooing, it won’t be me. I would never make such a public spectacle of myself.

This is my new favorite album. Possibly of all time. I’m not exaggerating.

Jully Black has made 3 albums, this being her 3rd. I bought her last one, “Revival” and loved it. I officially became a fan after seeing her sing live, and by sing I mean she didn’t lip sink. Anyone who has to rely on lip sinking doesn’t deserve to be called a singer, but that’s just my humble opinion. I understand when there’s strenuous dancing involved, but for the most part, if you can’t stand still and belt a tune, which is what you get paid for, then get off stage. But I digress…… She’s an amazing singer, she’s beautiful and confident and her voice sometimes give me goosebumps.

When I heard she had another album coming out, I promptly made my way to a store and doled out 15$ for it. This was about 3 weeks ago. After having heard it, I wish I could give her more money for this. Usually you hear a single or two and make a decision to buy an album. It’s become a little less likely now with the age of itunes and downloads. You buy the song you like and to hell with the rest of what the artist had to sing.

I myself have not done much of either. For me to buy a CD, I have to have heard a few songs, either because the album has been out for a while or because I have a friend who has it and let me borrow it. I didn’t do that in this case, and I’m happy I didn’t. I’m a fan, I liked her last album, which has a lot of RnB and danceable tunes, so I figured why not give this one a chance too?

I can’t remember the last time I bought a CD and loved every song. I’ve listened to this album 3 times in a row one day while I was cleaning. I’m listening to it for the second time just this morning while I write this. I’ve listened to the entire thing at least 10 times in the last 3 weeks. I didn’t skip a single song. Usually there’s at least a song or 2 per CD, regardless of how much you love the artist, that just doesn’t speak to you or sound good. Not for me on this one. There’s a perfect mix of songs that are fast, and a couple of slower ones in between. The songs are mostly about love, losing love and rediscovering your own self. There’s one song that uses an acoustic guitar. There’s some electric guitar on here. It’s a mix of RnB and rock, which is perfect for me. I can’t even bring myself to pick a favorite song. I love them all.

I heard her give an interview about how  music has become so segregated on radio stations. I agree. Artists can’t sing more than one genre. You’re either a rapper, a pop artist or a country star. Every now and then there’s a crossover song, but mostly, it’s one or the other. I like that she took elements of more than one genre and put it on this album. I don’t get bored of it. My music of choice is RnB and hip hop, however, every now and then it’s nice to get a break and have something a little more rock and roll or a little more fast paced.

I like that I can put this on, enjoy the music AND the lyrics. A lot of music out there is either abstract and metaphorical, or just mindless fluff. Someone actually put thought and feeling in theses songs, and meant for you to understand exactly what they meant to say. Jully actually took part in writing all these songs, and that makes me respect her even more.

Here’s an excerpt from her site, where she talks about her album:

“So is THE BLACK BOOK going to take my fans by surprise? Of course it will. A pleasant surprise that is! It’s Dance, it’s Urban, It’s Rock, it’s DURBAN ROCK!  It is 38 minutes of music for the people. At the least, songs like Running will leave you feeling liberated. The Plan will mend your wounded heart. Recalculate will help you let it go and Glass Ceiling will inspire you to accomplish whatever your aspirations may be.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

I just finished reading “Under The Dome”, a behemoth of a book. 1073 pages to be exact. I got it for present day from my husband and finally just finished it. The book is so big that carrying it around for casual reading was almost impossible, which is why it took me so long to finish it. I loved it. I spent the first half of the book anxious to find out the outcome, and the second half scared about what it might be.

If you’ve ever read a King book, you know it’s not always going to have a happy ending. In fact, you can almost count on it. Not in the tragic way where every main character dies, leaving you anguished that you invested so many hours reading the book. The “heroes” usually survive, and the “villains” usually don’t. I think it’s a fair approach where not everything works out perfectly.

This one was no exception. Only it took that much longer to get to the end, and the climax took 200 tension filled pages to resolve. I tried finishing one night, and my eyes were tearing up out of fatigue as opposed to the sorrow I would later do the same for. People die. Kids, dogs, etc… It’s a King book, of course people die.

This isn’t me reviewing the book. I love Stephen King, he’s my favorite, so of course I loved the book.

I don’t like the idea of reviewing a book. To me a book is far more personal than a movie or TV. It requires a far bigger investment of time from the person offering the story as well as the person reading it. A movie only takes up a couple of hours of your time. A book, however, takes up many, many hours. In some cases, days. One person (with the help of their first reader and editor) offered up a great deal of time telling us a story. It took Uncle Stevie from November 2007 to March 2009 to tell me this one. That’s how long it took him to write it. Sure, it was a bigger story than most, but you get my point.

With a book, you can imagine the characters looking almost any way you want them to. I’m usually the character, man or woman, child or dog. I take my post in the the story and do what I’m told. It’s easier for me to get lost in a book because I become the characters and feel what I’m supposed to feel. I hate who I’m supposed to and care for who I should. Movies are a great escape for me. I get lost in the story of someone else. Books, however, were always my way of getting away from my life and becoming someone else.

It was my therapy growing up. I guess that’s why I’ve always felt that a book is more personal.

Her video’s rarely have anything to do with the songs they’re accompanying anymore. “Just Dance” and “Poker Face” were a little more direct, but in the last couple she’s kind of trying to tell a story.

So here’s my interpretation of “Telephone”. Seen out of context, it does seem like just a random messed up video. Perhaps if you watch “Paparazzi” first, you can piece it together yourself. Telephone is a sequel to it. In Paparazzi, her boyfriend, played by Alex Scarsgard (the sexy Eric of True Blood), throws her off a balcony. She’s hospitalized, bound to a wheelchair, then crutches, until she eventually gets better and kills him with poison. At the end she makes a call to 911 confessing this crime.

In Telephone, she is now in prison for this crime. The crime scene tape wrapped around her body? I think it’s there because her body was the scene of a crime. The one in which her boyfriend broke it in pieces. The cigarette glasses are weird. I think it’s because they’re usually used in prison to barter. Same with picking the butchest bitch in the bunch to be hers so you don’t get your ass kicked.

Beyonce comes along to bail her out. They then go meet up with Beyonce’s own abusive boyfriend to kill him with poison too. They end up killing a whole diner full of people along with him, so I guess now they’re on the run.

To be continued……

So needless to say there will be another video out soon which, taken out of context, will make no sense to most people either. I myself am a fan of weird stuff. I get bored of videos where the singer prances around in generic movie plot lines intermingled with even more generic dance routines. A less interesting artist may have made this video “about” a bunch of girls at the club dancing around while her man tried calling her on her phone. Zzzzzzzzzz.