I don’t simply recommend this movie. I HIGHLY recommend this movie. If you’ve seen and loved the originals, please, go see this one. I laughed and I cried. It’s the last 20 minutes of this movie that really get you.

When the original Toy Stories came out, they were ground breaking. They were a new way of making animated films and were the start of  what would become the Pixar Empire.They definitely set a new standard when it came to animated films.

They also came out at a time when movies were about more than making money. They were about providing a good story. In this case, one that almost everyone could enjoy. I’m happy to say that after 11 years, they still go it.

I’ve been a little jaded lately about movies. This Summer has left something to be desired in the story telling department. The whole year really. I went in expecting it to be good, which usually means I’ll be disappointed by the end when the movie falls short. Not this time. Yes, I know it’s a cartoon, but it’s a damn good one.

In this installment, Andy is 17 and going off to college. It’s time to decide what to do with Woody and the gang. He decides to take Woody along with him, and leave the rest behind in the attic, where they will hopefully become useful again when Andy had kids of his own. Through a series of events, the toys, along with newcomer Barbie, all end up at the local daycare.

Not just any daycare. This daycare is run by a big purple bear named Lotso. He runs it he’s a dictator, like it’s a prison, and forces the gang to be played with by the small children. The ones who stuff potato head parts up their nose and paint portraits using Jesse’s hair. In other words, they get screwed.Ken takes the reins as Lotso’s number 2. That’s when he’s not making costume changes in his giant closet that is.

The toys have to try and escape, all the while trying to come to terms with the fact that they’re not really needed anymore by their owner. This is a great story about growing up, moving on and leaving your childhood behind. Not just by Andy, but the toys too. I think the toys are almost a representation of parents and how hard it is to let you kids go when they don’t really need you anymore. It was quite poignant.

I was a little surprised that the first showing of the day had so many people in attendance. There were a few families there, but mostly I was surrounded by people in their late teens and early 20s. It took me a minute to realize that these were the children who watched the first 2 movies all those years ago. Naturally they wanted to see what happened to those lovable toys they were so enthralled with. That, like the fictional Andy, they recently grew up and moved on from their childhoods into adulthood.

This, by far, is the best Summer movie so far. It’s the best movie I’ve seen since “Shutter Island”. It’s also the first movie of the Summer I’d gladly pay to see again, and can’t wait to purchase when it comes out. At no point did I lose interest in what was going on. It seems most movies are about 20 minutes too long nowadays but, at 103 minutes, Toy Story 3 just didn’t seem long enough.

Here’s the story: Elsa (Sarah Polley) and Clive (Adrian Brody) are biologists working for a pharmaceutical company called Nerd. They are also in a relationship with each other. In their search for cures for the world’s worse ailments, they decide to secretly take an existing experiment further, and splice animal DNA with human DNA. The result is a creature called Dren. Nerd backwards. How clever. They take care of it as if it were their child/pet. The creature grows at an accelerated speed, which means that in a few short weeks, they have a full grown human animal hybrid they can no longer control.

The thing about his movie is you’re either going to hate it because it’s crossing some moral boundary most people have, or you’ll be able to accept the fact that it is just a movie, that this creature could probably never exist, and appreciate the remarkably original and twisted story. I’m in the second group.

Sure, what they did was messed up. However, ask yourself this: Can you accept the first part of their experiment, which is to splice together a bunch of animals in order to obtain a miracle cure? If so, why is that OK, but to add human DNA from a willing donor is wrong? Why are humans a more valuable species than any other on the planet? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t condone what they did in the movie. However, there’s been a lot of backlash about how immoral this movie is, and how they should be ashamed of themselves. I assure you, the consequence of these scientists actions is not lost on them. There is no happy ending here.

It’s a science fiction. It crosses a line that most people will not be able to handle. There are things I saw in this movie I wish I could erase from my memory, things that really pissed me off. It was still a really good movie. I think you need to be of a certain mind set PLUS have a certain level of intelligence to appreciate it. I’m not saying if you hate this movie, it means you’re stupid. Perhaps you weren’t able to look past what was in front of you and don’t care to. That’s fine, and you’re entitled to your opinion and beliefs. Therein lies the mindset I’m talking about.

Now I feel I should share some disturbing content in this movie. I knew this going in, and I feel it helped me cope. I’m being a little dramatic on purpose here. This was really messed up. Adrien Brody has graphic sex with grown up Dren. Dren is not an alien. She’s about as far from being an alien as you can get. Dren is made up of about 6 or 7 animal DNA parts, and one part human. So, this is pretty much bestiality. There really is no other way of looking at it. I don’t care how cute she was, she can breath under water and sprout wings, she’s an animal. Some people said this was incestuous, but his DNA was not used to make up the Dren creature. There is a little non graphic incestuous rape scene near the end. I wish I could forget that.

If these things are too much for you to handle, and will make you unable to appreciate the rest of this movie, don’t go. If the thought of human testing is too much for you to handle, don’t go. Rest assured however, these people don’t ride into the sunset holding hands and singling show tunes. In fact, the end is quite disturbing.

In this movie, Aaron Green (Jonah Hill) is working for a record company. His boss, Sergio, played by Sean Combs (I think he’s going by P Diddy nowadays…) needs him to go to London to get Aldous Snow (Brand), and take him to The Greek. As in the Greek Theater in L.A. The problem is Aldous is washed up. He’s also a classic rock star. Not the kind whose hair gets shorter, straighter and blonder with each video. You know who you are. He’s the kind who misses many planes in order to get his party on. So it’s kind of a challenge for poor Aaron, who desperately wants to make a good impression with his boss.

Ok, enough about the story. Who cares. It’s a funny movie aimed at a specific audience. If you like Judd Apatow’s sort of movies, this one is for you. So go see it. I will say this: there are a couple of scenes where Russel Brand is quite serious and you’re not sure if something funny is being set up. There isn’t. He was quite surprising and good with the serious stuff too.

Now for the 3rd star of the movie that didn’t get much face time in the preview, and quite frankly was almost funnier than the stars themselves. Sean Combs had some of the best, most ridiculously funny scenes in this movie. In fact, there isn’t a single scenes he’s in that didn’t make me laugh. Who knew? He eats his own head. That’s right, try to figure out how.

The songs in this movie are so stupid and funny. They’re comprised of every sort of body part or sex innuendo you can imagine. My bangers and mash. My ring around the rosy, it’s so cozy. (I’m talking about my ass hole). Yup, you name it, they wrote it, while peeing themselves laughing. I wonder if they pictured the latest teen pop stars singing them while scribbling down the lyrics. Maybe they were making some sort of commentary about how all music is basically sexual innuendo, just not as obvious? Maybe.

I did take issue with a couple of things. One, Aaron’s girlfriend Daphne (Elizabeth Moss of Mad Men). There was no chemistry there. She had one scene where she’s supposed to kiss him, and she does it with a closed mouth, lips stuck together as tightly as she could. It was obvious she had no interest in kissing this man she’s supposed to be so in love with. I kiss my best friend with more passion. They came off like brother and sister more than anything else.

Which brings me to the second thing I took issue with. The worse, most uncomfortable and unfunny three way ever. I did not want to see these people get it on (The couple with Aldouse), so all I could do was giggle because I felt too uncomfortable to do anything else. Awkward doesn’t quite cover it.

Other than that, it was funny. Brand was really good, not just with the funny stuff. P Diddy is funny. Jonah Hill is the same as he is in all his movies, except he’s supposed to be straight laced in this. Until Aldous gets his hands on him of course. Then it’s balloons up the but and bathroom stall sex with strangers. Good times.

I enjoy going to the movies alone every now and then. Out of the 3 interesting movies that came out this weekend, Killers was the one my RMP (regular movie partner) wasn’t interested in. So, I used my points and got to see it for free.

This is the sort of movie you can justify enjoying if you haven’t spent money on it, have nothing else to do, and need a good way to kill 2 hours. Otherwise, I’d just rent it. It’s worth seeing, but not for theater prices. It’s a good appetizer before “Knight and Day” comes out.

The story is this. Spencer (Ashton Kutcher) and Jen (Heigl) meet while vacationing in Nice. She’s been recently dumped and is vacationing with her parents, played by Tom Selleck, the guy with the mustache,  and Catherine O’Hara, the lady who drinks ALL THE TIME. He’s a secret government assassin on the job, sick of the super secret agent life, and wants to meet a nice girl to settle down with. Who better than the blond chewing Maalox in the elevator? They fall in love, Spencer quits his job, and they immediately get married and buy a house in the suburbs.

3 years later, Spencer gets a postcard from his old boss, and so begins the chain of events that lead to a bunch of sleeper assassins vying for the 20 million dollar price for his head. The movie turns into this race of who can kill Spencer first. It’s sort of dumb. What’s dumber, is who these people are and who put them there. I really have to fight against my better judgment to give away spoilers here, because it really is quite ridiculous.

There’s some funny back and forth between our main actors, but not once did I believe they were a married couple in love. I believed Spencer when he said he wanted to be out of the life and fall in love with a “simple” woman. It just felt like he did it with the first woman he met, instead of actually trying to look for someone. I love Katherine Heigl, and her performance was good, I just didn’t believe she was in love with this guy for anything beyond his good looks and charm.

I thought Ashton Kutcher was adorable. I can usually take or leave him, but I liked him in this. He was very charming, and he managed to make his fight scenes believable. I do take issue with his French skills. I’m French, and I needed to read the subtitles during his French speaking scene. Sorry, during his attempt at speaking French. I just think he could’ve practiced a little more, seeing how he only had about 5 phrases to memorize.

I particularly liked when, while running for their lives, they had to make a stop at Kmart for a pregnancy test. While in the store, Jen has the presence of mind to ditch her heels and buy flats. Now here’s a smart woman. Why more women in movies don’t do this, I’ll never know.

Where the movie really kind of got “bad” was at the end, about the last 10 minutes, when we find out who activated the sleepers and Jen decides to have a trust circle. That’s right, I said trust circle. Where it nuked the fridge was when Spencer sets up a laser security system in the baby room. Groan, roll credits.

There seems to be 2 kinds of SATC fans. There’s the kind who love the show and the characters, but also realize that these women are pretty ridiculous sometimes and shake their heads at the preposterous situations they get into. The kind who feels nothing but gratitude and joy about her own relationship and life after viewing a glimpse into theirs. The kind who goes to the movie on a Saturday night, with their best girl friend, dressed in jeans and sneakers. Me.

Then there’s the other kind. The kind who seem to look up to these women, and longs to be one of them. The kind who agree with Carrie when she’s being an overindulgent selfish brat. The kind who goes to the movie with every woman she knows apparently, dressed to the nines in full makeup, heels and that 40$ dress she bought at Zellers. Not me.

As much as the SATC movie is a guilty pleasure, I don’t see it as a special occasion to dress up. I don’t need an excuse to dress up. If I feel like it, I’ll get dressed up in heels for my husband when we’re going out together. Or whenever I feel like it. Just because the characters on screen get to wear thousands of dollars worth of clothes and shoes doesn’t mean it’s an occasion for your best Aldo shoes and that dress you got for the Christmas party a few months ago. That’s me though, and I fully accept that there are different kinds of women out there. I just don’t hang out with them.

Now back to the movie. In this one, Carrie is bored of her married life after only 2 years. She’s upset that Big won’t take her out to fancy restaurants every night, and gets down right pissed when he brings home take-out, AGAIN! The horror! Miranda finds out that her male New York lawyer boss is a chauvinist. Shocking! Charlotte discovers that being a mother is difficult. What?! And Samantha tries ever so hard to turn back the hands of time and cope with *cue dramatic music* menopause! Full of clever comic relief, this process seems to be pretty easy, thanks to Suzanne Somers’s book.

The movie starts with the Gayest Gay wedding you have ever seen. At least, that’s what they were trying very hard to tell us ad nauseam. It felt like they were poking fun at the Gayest Gay wedding. Like it was something to be jostled about instead of what it should’ve been: a sacred happy moment where 2 people love each other and want to share it with their closest friends and Liza Minnelli.

The next part of our film takes us to each of the aforementioned situations in which the women find themselves overwhelmed with their own remarkably difficult lives. Carrie doesn’t want to become an old married couple. If it’s going to be “me and you, just us two”, she needs sparkle. Miranda quits her job. Charlotte locks herself in the pantry after being an idiot. Let me elaborate on this one. While making cupcakes,  her 2 year old is crying and her 5 year old wants her attention. All this, while she’s wearing a vintage white skirt. See where I’m going here? This seemed to be the perfect time to make a call to seek Carrie’s insight on whether or not the hot, braless Irish nanny is a threat to her marriage. Why didn’t she wait the 5 minutes for the nanny to get there to make her call? After the cupcakes are iced and her 5 year old was busy with Tits McGee and she could complain out of ear shot of her impressionable child? Why wasn’t she wearing something dark, so she wouldn’t care if she got red hand prints on her ass? Who knows. She lost her mind and locked herself up in the pantry until the Irish wonder came to the rescue.

All are going crazy, except Samantha, who is all too happy to take the girls on an all expense paid trip to Abu Dhabi, where they will each have their own car, butler and a suite that would put anyone’s house to shame.

They set off and run into old friends, make new ones, perform some karaoke. Vitamins get taken away, passports get left at shoe huts, Charlotte finally lets loose and dishes about how hard having kids is, even with the help of a full time nanny and no job. Ex-boyfriends are kissed. All in all, it was pretty fun.

Here are some of the things I could’ve lived without. The whole middle east stereotyping was a little much at times. We get it, it’s different there. It’s like the 30′s apparently, circa “It Happened One Night.” Women are covered head to toe, however, it would seem they all have designer clothing under their burkas. Yup, they do in this movie. For ridiculous reasons, the 4 women end up in burkas. Carrie decides to hail a cab by recreating Claudette Colbert’s iconic leg flash, and off they go home. With the exception of Samantha’s air humping, finger giving antics, I could’ve lived without this whole part of the movie.

I also could’ve lived without the condescending Carrie fan, inexplicably at the Stanford/Anthony wedding. This fan claimed to BE Carrie. I’m so you, her and her ridiculous husband say. Yet upon hearing that the 45 year old Carrie and 55 year old Big are choosing to remain childless, she stopped all adoration and decided to be appalled instead. Shocked even. Just you two? Really? Prompting Carrie to go on a tail spin of stupid emotions, where she lets other people dictate her own life and relationships, even at 45 years old. Did I mention all this took place at the Gayest Gay wedding, where a union just took place where a child will not come out of?

I hate people like this. People that act like not having kids is mean or sad in some way. It’s not like we all have kids hidden away in jars somewhere, trapped until we decide to have them. It’s not mean to decide kids aren’t for you. They don’t exist yet, so we can’t be held responsible for not having feelings for people who don’t exist. Some people have partners who make them happy and, even after 10 years, can’t get enough of each other. That’s right folks, some of us are just lucky that way.

Let me digress here and vent a little about how stupid people like this are. It is MY opinion that when you get married, you should do so under the understanding that the 2 of you should be enough. Kids are an extra added bonus to enrich your life if you choose to have them. Like dogs, and an espresso machine. However, unlike an espresso machine, kids are also entitled to the same level of enrichment from the people having them, and I fear too many people are bringing kids into this world for their own benefit, and not so much that of the child’s. Too harsh? Too bad. A child is entitled to the best possible life it can be given, and it’s up to the parents to make that happen. Wanting someone there on your birthdays and holidays and to take care of you when you get old is selfish.

If you can’t spend the rest of your life happy with this one person, why are you marrying them? In the end, it’s just the 2 of you anyway. Kids grow up and quite possibly will not visit as often as you like. You need to make sure you choose a partner who will be enough for you, or else you will be unhappy and divorced as soon as the kids are old enough to fend for themselves. Not everyone wants to be parents, no matter how much they like children. Some of us were lucky enough to get enough love from one person, and don’t need many people to make them happy. This does not make us, yes us, bad people. This makes us free to babysit whenever you feel like locking yourself up in a pantry.

Wow, where did that come from? Well, back to the actual topic at hand here….

All is well in the SATC world, Carrie realizes, for the umpteenth time, that she’s not like other women, and therefore won’t end up like them. Bored and familiar at home with her lover. In sweats. This movie is for fans of the show. Be it those of us who shake our heads at the ridiculous things they do while we watch in jeans, or those who choose to admire the lady’s crazy antics and watch in short dresses and in heels. You will go see it if you’re a fan, and you won’t if you’re not. It is pretty ridiculously funny though. My goodness.

The trailers.

Here are a few gems I felt like sharing. Gems that should have stayed buried. I’m not going to lie, some look semi-interesting. That’s the point, isn’t it? The “best” parts are in the trailer, and what you’re left with upon viewing, is crap. Please read the synopsis at the bottom of each screen of the trailer. They’re almost as good as the trailers themselves.

First up is Step Up 3D.
Why do we need a third installment of this series? Well, because we haven’t seen everything we need to see about dancing, that’s why! And, for extra drama (and ratings) they’ve suckled upon the ratings milking teat, and  stepped it up in 3D. 2D dancing is readily available on TV with shows like So You Think You Can Dance, Dancing With The Starts (or people who wish they still were) and so on. Who wants to see that?

The target audience want style. They want bad acting. They want over choreographed chopped up little bits of dance that every now and then gets slowed down in slo-mo, for dramatic effect. Maybe let’s throw some water in there to splash around too. Yes, now that’s what I’m talking about.

Warning: This one’s gross. Next on my list, The Human Centipede.
Have you ever wondered what would happen if you linked a bunch of people up, from ass to mouth, to create a human centipede? Someone did, and decided not only would it be a crazy idea, but committed it to paper, got the funding to actually produce it, and actors to portray it in a movie.

I especially like the use of the line “A one—of—a—kind experience that is guaranteed to shock and divide audiences.” in the synopsis. How so exactly? Are people going to be rooting for this German Dr. Heiter? Hail Heiter? You go on and work on those human experiments. The world must know what is possible, no matter the cost! The only division I foresee from audiences is the division between those looking to throw up in the bathrooms versus those looking to do so in the wastebaskets.

The preview that prompted this rant: Piranha 3D
I just saw this on TV, and thought it was going to be called Mini-Jaws. This one, however, seems to be a cautionary tale to underwater explorers and spring break goers. If a big guy using a blow horn tells you to get your skinny, drunk ass off the beach, do it. Don’t tell him you have more booze. Don’t tell the bleach blond pop tart in front of you to “take it off”. Just get your ass out of the water and go read a book. Or die. Painfully, loudly, and in 3D. (That poor cow’s teat must be sore.)

These particular piranha’s disappeared 2 million years ago! So they’re more interesting. Apparently. The whole Jaws rip off becomes apparent when for a second, during the preview, between the pop up bloody words HOW and FAST, none other than the only surviving main cast member of Jaws is on screen. That’s right folks, Richard Dreyfuss is on a boat, and it’s not big enough.

Then there’s Survival Of The Dead.
Strange isn’t it? These guys (movies) just won’t die! Just when you thought Romero’s Diary Of The Dead would be the hint that beating a one trick pony with a stick is counterproductive, he comes up with this one. WHY?????? The stories are ALWAYS the same. There is little to no diversity in the genre. Sorry, but it’s true.

I enjoy a switch up. 28 Days Later, Shawn Of The Dead, etc…. These are sometimes not seen as “true zombie movies”. Too bad. I can only see so many slow motion meat bags skulking around while some idiots either shoot at them with little to no accuracy, or scream while running away. Zombie’s are slow, they can’t climb, and you really don’t need to keep looking back. I assure you, they’re not gaining up on you. You can power walk and stay far ahead of them. Just keep moving forward. Zombieland really has great tips on how to survive a Zombie infestation. Now that’s a good zombie movie. Funny, entertaining and different. My kind of movie.

My husband Zaal loves Zombie movies. I like them. I should specify that I like good ones. Classics, and good new ones. They’ve everywhere now. It’s like they’re trying to actually infest the world with a movie virus and actually bring the zombie species to life, via multiple exposure. We get it. Zombies are trendy. Why not have “Team Slow” and “Team Fast” shirts made up? Maybe next we’ll have zombie tween romance books too?

Excerpt from “Zombie Love: Undead is SOOO in right now” by Sly Z. – He walked towards me, and I could tell he wanted me. I wasn’t sure if he wanted me for my body or my brains. Or my heart. Do zombies eat hearts? I don’t know. Anyway, he stood still for a moment, staring at me. I wanted to go to him, I wanted to hold him, but I could tell he was hungry. His stomach, which I could see through a hole through his body, was empty. Damn. I guess I’d have to get that homeless guy, Mac, from the back of my car after all.

After eating his Big Mac, I walked towards him, arms outstretched, awaiting my lover’s embrace. I had my helmet on, just in case he was in the mood for desert. I didn’t want my brains to be on the menu. I got my muzzle and gently placed it over his mouth. Why risk bodily harm? I’m in love, I’m not stupid. Any woman out there will tell you all they want is a man who can listen to them. My lover listened, and listened well. I didn’t have to worry about other women. I didn’t have to worry about him leaving me on a Saturday night to go catch a game with the boys. Best of all, he never spoke. I didn’t have to listen to his angst riddled life story. I didn’t have to hear how terrible he felt about being “undead” and how sorry he was that he craved my flesh. He simple grunted every now and then when he was hungry. Some things you just can’t avoid regardless if your lover’s hearts is beating or not.

Ok, so I’m not going to be writing zombie love novels. My own imagination is disgusting me at the moment, so I simply can’t go on.

These are just a few of the movie I will not be seeing this Summer. Thank you for once visiting. Until next time, this is Sly, signing off.

Disclaimer: “Zombie Love: Undead is SOOO in right now” is not a real book. I just made that stuff up. If you were interested in reading it, please seek professional help. I’m down with vampires, but zombie’s are all slimy and gross. Come on!

]]> http://www.slyreviews.com/2010/05/28/movies-i-wont-be-seeing/feed/ 1 http://www.slyreviews.com/2010/05/20/film-is-ageless/ http://www.slyreviews.com/2010/05/20/film-is-ageless/#comments Thu, 20 May 2010 14:10:16 +0000 Sylvia http://www.slyreviews.com/?p=702 As I get older, the actors I grew up watching and respecting get younger.

What do I mean by that? Let me explain, at great length. This is a long one folks.

As previously stated, I’ve been watching movies since I was a kid. I didn’t have parents that were into movies however, so I was limited to the Ernest films and The Goonies up until I could go to the video store by myself.

When I could pick my own movies, when I was 14 to about 17, I usually watched things that were current with big name actors in them, but that were also rated 14A or under. My parents are religious, and so anything with sex and violence was pretty much out of reach for me. I watched things like The Ref, Home Alone 2, Romeo and Juliet etc….

I remember in my English classes, my favorite teacher, France Daigle, would play a movie every Friday. We had to answer questions afterward and analyze some of it. So this is when I started really paying attention to movies. There was this little magazine with a crossword in it that we got as well. It was just basic pop culture movie related hints, and I did very well with them. They were fun. I was sort of known as the girl who knew a lot about movies. I remember someone in class being impressed that I knew who Mel Gibson was., instead of knowing him as “the guy in that movie with the blue painted faces.”

It was in Mr. Daigle’s English class that I began my “real” movie education. He introduced me to Alfred Hitchcock by showing “Psycho”. He introduced me to John Malkovich in “Of Mice And Men”. I got to watch real movies, movies that I’d never gotten exposed to because of the limitations I had at home. In a way I’m grateful for that, because I got to experience great movies at an age when I could actually appreciate and understand them. Had I seen “Pulp Fiction” when it came out in 1994, when I was 13 years old, I would never have gotten it. It was way beyond my age range, not only because of the content, but because of the storyline as well. I never would’ve been able to follow the broken story and put together the parts that go, and in what order.

When I was 17, I moved away from home. To the “Big City”. I saw American Beauty. Fight Club. Sleepy Hollow. Sixth Sense. Great movies came out when I was old enough to see them at 18 and 19 years old. After 2 years I wish I could forget, (except for the good movies that is) I met my husband. He and his roommate used to make references to “Pulp Fiction”, which by the time I was 20, I still hadn’t seen. So I picked it up (on VHS, oh my) along  with “American History X” to watch at my job. Consider my mind blown. 2 great movies.

I worked nights at a call center, and because we had a TV and VCR, I watched about 3 movies a night. This, along with my husband, began part 2 of my movie self-education.

I got a membership at the local video store, a store I would later become the manager of and meet the best friends I’ve ever had. I watched everything. I got so caught up on movies that had come out in the late 90s, that I sort of ran out of movies I wanted to watch. So I went back. I made lists of the top rated movies of all time I needed to see, all the Oscar winners, movies my favorite actors were in etc….

After a short time I’d seen everything worth seeing. I saw the typical “old movies” everyone has seen. “Casablanca” and “Gone With The Wind”. I saw other ones like “Mildred Pierce” and “Rebecca” and “12 Angry Men” (goosebumps), which aren’t as popular in the mainstream, but so, so good.  I discovered Cary Grant, who became my favorite classic actor, and later found out he died on my 6th birthday. I discovered Gene Kelly who became my other favorite. Some of the things he could do simply take my breath away.

Not many movies are readily available to rent, especially if they precede the 70′s and 80′s and aren’t popular, so I’ve kind of started collecting them. Any movie I really want to see but can’t find, I buy. “His Girl Friday” I found for 2$ on DVD. Crazy. My collection ranges from “American Madness”(1932) to “District 9″ (2009), and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I get excited about watching something no one I know has ever even heard of. Do I consider myself a movie snob? Yes, I am. I never went to film school, I never studied anything about it and everything I know comes from the time I spent watching old movies, watching special features, and great channels like TCM.

To go back to my first statement. The older I got, the further back I seemed to be going in time with the movies I saw. Thanks to TCM and online shopping, I’ve been able to see movies I probably never would’ve gotten to see. My curiosity would not allow me to pass up the chance to see a great movie, simply because no current starlets or hunks were in it. I love all movies, not just the ones with explosions, special (story robbing) effects and the hot new guys.

The first time I saw Paul Newman in a movie, I was 16. That movie was “Nobody’s Fool”. He was an old man, and that’s all I ever saw him as. When I was in my mid 20s however, I made my way down a list and rented “Cat On A Hot Tin Roof”. To see Newman and Elizabeth Taylor at their prime is something I don’t think I would ever want to go to my grave having missed out on.

They were spectacular. They were gorgeous. I got older, but Paul Newman had gone back in time to when he was 33 and stunning. Elizabeth Taylor went from being that lady in the perfume adds and in a wheelchair, to just about the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. They gave me goosebumps, and to this day I still get them when I watch the movie. It’s become one of my top 13 of all time, and there it shall remain.

My absolute favorite movie is The Goodbye Girl. It’s one of those movies that not many people have either seen or heard of, so it’s like my very own little treasure. I stumbled on it one day, shortly after having moved into my own apartment for the first time. I was living alone, and I was feeling a little down while flicking through the channels. Suddenly Richard Dreyfuss was on the screen, dramatically throwing his scarf around his neck and telling some woman she wasn’t “the only one who could yell rape, you know” . He had my full attention.

My first Richard Dreyfuss movie was “Mr. Holland’s Opus” when I was 14. At 20, I watched what would become my favorite movie, and he was 30. And funny! I always saw him as a stuffy, grumpy old man. Yet here he was, making me fall in love with him. It was my favorite movie viewing experience. I was alone in my small apartment, with bare walls, and falling in love with a man almost old enough to be my grandfather. Elliot Garfield, his character, is one of my all time favorites. He’s just so funny and adorable.

What prompted this little (ridiculously long) rant? I just watched a mini documentary on TCM (ever continuing my education) and just saw Sidney Poitier in clips from a movie called “Blackboard Jungle”. Wow. It was one of the first movies he made, so you can imagine how young he was. Young, and stunning. I never really thought of him as an attractive man. Because he’s such an icon and a film treasure, and quite a bit older, he’s someone to be admired and revered, not drooled over. I have to admit though, he was quite beautiful.

I’ve seen, and even own, “Lilies Of The Field”. In it he’s in his 30s. The clips I just saw were of a 28 year old Mr. Poitier. Remarkable. Not just because of his physical beauty, but from the little snips of it I saw, he just carried himself in such a way that made him that much more attractive. He has such a presence, as he always does. But having that at 28, and being able to pull that off in that time in history, is simply remarkable.

If you actually made it all the way down these 1400+ words, I thank you. I just wanted to share my little tidbit about how I got to be such an amateur movie connoisseur, and how it never ceases to amaze me what, and who, I can discover by watching classic movies.

In case you weren’t already aware, the legend of Robin Hood is just that. A legend. There isn’t any real historical evidence that this guy existed. In this version of the story, Ridley Scott (director) and his band of merry men, IE: Brian Helgeland (screenplay) took some liberties with the “original” story.

Robin Hood wasn’t bad. It was just sort of boring. It’s 2H20M l0ng, but not interesting enough to justify it.

First, a little of the original “legend” for those who don’t know. Robin Hood’s real name is Robert Loxley of Nottingham. He’s steals from the rich and gives to the poor. The king wants his head, he has some people he hangs out with and he eventually gets it on with Lady Marion. If you want a better, less lazy, account of the legend, go here.

Russel Crowe is Robin Longstride. He’s an archer in King Richard the Lion Heart’s army. While Robin and his 3 army buddies are restrained in stocks for fighting, the king is killed. The 4 men run away and encounter some dead or dieing knights in the woods. Robin shoots one of his arrows towards one of the attackers, Godfrey (Mark Strong), leaving him scared in the face. Of course he does. What would a story be without a defaced villain who holds a grudge against the hero of the story for doing so? One of the dieing knights is Sir Robert Loxley of Nottingham. With his dieing breath, he asks Robin to bring his sword back to his father, William Loxley of Nottingham.

Robin and his 3 friends decide to take the dead knights gold, clothes (so they can impersonate the knights), horses and the king’s crown, and make their way to the king’s castle so that Richard’s younger brother, John, can be crowned the new king. Robin keeps his word and makes his way to Nottingham in order to return the sword, where he encounters Friar Tuck, Maid Marion, who happens to be Robert Loxley’s wife, and a town being robbed of it’s grain by the evil church. Why not? William Loxley is a blind, sick old man, Maid Marion (Cate Blanchett) is a strong willed (bitter) woman who farms, and spends all her share of the dialogue coming off preachy or bitchy, and Friar Tuck is a Honey Mead booze making bootlegger. Again, why not? All the teenage boys of Nottingham have taken to the woods because their fathers all went to war 10 years ago and they have no strong male leadership. Sure.

After a conversation with William, it’s decided that Robin needs to pretend to be his son, Robert Loxley of Nottingham. This is so that when William dies, Marion can keep her land. It’s been 10 years since Robert left for war, so no one would know the difference anyway. Robin has no one to go home to, he never knew his own father, so he agrees. It turns out later that William knew Robin as a child, and he helps Robin relive the horrible experience of watching his father getting decapitated. Awesome. There’s some stuff involving the French wanting to invade. Godfrey, who is the king’s new marshal,  happens to be an Englishman working for the French. Treachery!

There’s a big battle at the end, which ends with the French rowing away with their tails between their legs, and making Robin the hero. This makes King John look bad, he holds a grudge and makes Robin of the Hood (get it?) an outlaw. The movie ends with Robin, Marion, the merry men, which is made up of his 3 army buddies and the teenage boys from the woods and some other supporters, all living in the woods where the Nottingham boys lived. So begins the legend of Robin Hood. I guess he starts doing all his rich robing good deeds after the credits roll. At 45 years old in the 13th century, I’m sure he has many years of good robbing ahead of him.

Robin’s 3 friends/army buddies are apparently there for comic relief. Little John is still ironically names so, not because he’s a fat guy like he’s usually portrayed, but because he’s 6″6′. Giant! These 3 guys were pretty funny, and quite honestly, the best part of the movie. Russel Crowe was boring. He’s forgettable, playing Robin with little to no charm and coming off like a zombie the whole time. His facial expressions only changed when he squinted to shoot his arrow, which he only did 3 times in the movie. I love Cate Blanchett, but I didn’t like Maid Marion. They tried to make her fierce and strong and able to defend herself, but she lacked honor and dignity. After finding out her husband is dead, she waits all of 3 days to fall in love with Robin. God only knows why. She’s not very likable in it, and she also attempts to help out in the final battle, failing miserably. I guess no one told her chain mail doesn’t float?

You can tell how you’re supposed to feel during the movie based on the score. There were 3 types in this movie. Exciting battle music, bad news music and goofy comic relief/courtship music. The movie isn’t all that interesting, even with the strange changes in the already over told story. The most interesting character was Little John, mainly because he was funny every time he talked.

I’m getting bored of this review, that’s how boring this movie was. So ends this sly review. Tune in next time for something a little more interesting. I hope.

I’m a huge Queen Latifah fan. Huge. I will watch any and everything she’s in. I have a huge crush on her and am not ashamed to say it. She’s beautiful and funny and a breath of fresh air when it comes to these movies. She’s the kind of leading lady that doesn’t really get messed with. She’s beautiful, but in a fight, you might lose.

Most romantic comedies follow a basic formula. They meet, something happens to put a dent in their getting together. When they do get together, something happens to tear them apart, and at the end the guy usually makes the big move to get them back together. In most of these movies the leading lady is someone most of us can’t really relate to. She’s usually really skinny and beautiful, or needs only to comb her hair and apparently take off her glasses to be gorgeous, yet somehow can’t meet “the right guy”.

I like some of the older rom-coms. When Harry Met Sally and The Goodbye Girl to name 2. I like some newer ones, but not all of them. Most of them really make me want to puke. I pick them by who’s starring in them as there are certain actors/actresses (if you can call them that) that I really don’t like or believe in these roles. I won’t name them. That’s just mean. Jello.

Perhaps I’m a little biased when it comes to the rom-coms, anything really, starring Queen. That’s how it works though, isn’t it? We all have actors we enjoy and want to support no matter what they’re in. Their being in the movie simply makes us like it that much more. I may not have liked this one as much had it starred a different, more stereotypical, actress. I wouldn’t have gone to see it in that case actually. Anyhow, on with the synopsis already.

In this one, Queen plays Leslie Wright, a physical therapist who can’t seem to find her Mr. Right because she’s too much of a “homegirl”. She’s a huge basketball fan, is kind of a tomboy and doesn’t “look a certain way”. That way is skinny with overdone makeup while wearing a dress and hells all the time. Her lifetime friend however, Morgan (Paula Patton) is just that. She’s also a lazy gold digging brat, but let’s save that for later. Leslie pretty much accepts her fate and doesn’t try to change. She doesn’t spend the whole movie complaining about her circumstance either. Sure there’s a couple of eye rolls and comments, but she’s not a whiny baby. The one and only time she cries in the movie is completely justified.

After a Nets game, she has her meet-cute with the star player, Scott McKnight (Common) at a gas station. (Let me just say how surprised I was that his character is so charming and such a gentleman. I went in with the assumption that he’s be some hotshot jock with a big attitude. Not the case.) He invites her to his birthday party, she brings Morgan along, and you can guess what happens next. The thing with this story is that Leslie isn’t into Scott that way yet. It’s not a love at first sight thing, so it’s a little less annoying basically.

Morgan and Scott announce their engagement 3 months later. Scott gets seriously hurt in a game, so Morgan gets Leslie to come to work full time on his physical therapy. Once his contract is in danger of not getting renewed however, Morgan cuts and runs, leaving Leslie to work with Scott for 3 months on their own. And the rest is Hollywood history…. He realizes that Leslie is his Mrs. Wright, and they live happily ever after basically.

If that’s a spoiler for you, I’m not sorry. You’re obviously a movie noob, so consider this part of your movie education. In rom-coms, unless there is a best friend usually of the opposite sex in the picture, who isn’t gay,  the leading couple always end up together. Otherwise, unless it’s been made clear to us that they’re completely wrong for each other, and that the best friend is actually perfect for them (and almost always secretly in love with them), then THEY end up together. Happy smiles all around. Pass the tissue box, finish your drink and please make sure to throw out your garbage on the way out of the theater.

I do have to mention how great Queen Latifah looked. Not to be shallow or anything because I’ve loved her since “Set It Off” and don’t care about the size of her ass. Remember how she called Jenny a while back? Damn! She’s looking good. She’s still luscious and curvy, but in a more healthy way I guess is what I’m trying to say. She still has all her flavor, but in a smaller package. Yes, I meant for that to sound cheesy. I just wanted to give her kudos for her hard work.

But first, the story: Now that Tony Stark (Downey Jr.) has “come out of the suit” as Iron Man, the government wants the suit and technology running it. Under the guise that it’s a dangerous weapon that can’t be left in the hands of one man, they hold a hearing to have him hand it over. The private military contracting company run by Justin Hammer (Rockwell), also want it. They want it so they can mass produce and sell it for profit. Tony refuses, and so begins the battle of wills.

We find out that his home made heart is giving him radiation poisoning, slowly killing him. This prompts him to turn the company over to Pepper Potts (Paltrow), who ,contrary to the preview, is not his girlfriend yet.

Meanwhile, back in Russia, Ivan Vanko’s father dies, hence bringing him to plot his revenge against Stark. You see, Ivan is the son of Anton Vanko, the Russian physicist who helped Tony’s father create the first arc reactor, IE the Iron Man suit technology. Much like the Stark family, the Vanko family is blessed with enormous intelligence and a gift for physics. Therefore, Ivan is the Russian equivalent of Tony Stark. The classic villain who is his equal in every way except fortune. Brilliant. Due to some back story I will not share, he hates Tony and must bring him down.

Meanwhile again(but not shown on film), at the S.H.I.E.L.D. (Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division) office, Nick Furry (Sam Jackson) decides he needs to place a spy over at Stark Industries in order to keep an eye out on Tony in order to monitor his actions and his health. Enter Natalie Rushman/Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson.

Through a series of events, Vanko starts working in secret for Hammer, and all hell breaks loose. Along with the help of his BFF War Machine aka Lt James Rhodes (Cheadle), Tony has to fight off a slew of droids hell bent on killing him and, because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time, thousands of innocent civilians who happen to be at a weapons expo. They wanted to see new weapons first hand, and boy did they get their chance.

Let me start by saying I really liked this movie. It was fun, funny and had a great mix of character development and action. I do think the previews were a little misleading. From the preview it looked like Tony and Pepper were an item. That bit where he’s jumping out of a plane and says “you complete me”? It’s not in the movie. They don’t actually get together until the end of this movie. Ok, fine.

My other problem is that they make Vanko look like he’s going to be this big bad ass villain. When, in effect, he’s a mix of bad ass and brains. He has 2 action scenes. The rest are him playing around with computers and technology. All the stuff we would see Tony do in his garage/basement/rec room. Sam Rockwell, who plays Hammer, is barely shown in the preview. Sure he’s not a huge commercial success, but he plays the main villain in this movie. He’s the one who causes the entire chain of events that lead to the final face off because he’s a greedy corporate jerk who will stop at nothing to get what he wants. He’s the money, and Vanko is the brains and brawn.

Now for the part of the movie that I thought wasn’t great. When I saw the preview with Scarlet Johansson kicking ass, I was looking forward to seeing her doing something different. She’s been playing the same sort of role for a long time. She’s attempted doing things where she’s a sex object, like “Match Point” and “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”, but didn’t quite pull it off. This was no different. Sure she looks good. The tight clothing and low cut shirts that show off the bra in an obvious, trying too hard, way. The lines laced with innuendo. The ass that won’t quit. She looked the part. She just didn’t quite act it enough for me. Michelle Pfeiffer did a good job of being a sexy comic book character. Halle Berry didn’t.

It’s not the character that I took issue with, it’s the performance. And let’s talk about the (lack of ) performance shall we? What I mean by that is this: The movie is about 2 hours long, and Scar Jo’s big action sequence was at about 1H45mins. She apparently trained for months so that she could spend 4 minutes on screen doing one action sequence. There’s one move she does at the beginning when she’s introduced and end up in a boxing ring with Favreau, but it hardly counts. I have no doubts Favreau got that part in so he could get his hands on Johanssen.

Her one scene is chopped up bits that were edited together. There are no smooth transitions where the choreography is mind blowing. We don’t see her face for most of it, and some of it looks like it’s been fast forwarded. There’s this one kick that looks so unnatural it made me laugh. This latter part is due to crappy editing, but it’s still disappointing that after months of training they couldn’t have pulled off a 4 minute action sequence where she kicked a bunch of guy’s asses while Favereau fended off one guy. Why does this bother me? Because they made her out to be this action hero in the preview and she’s nothing more than a cheap attempts to get the guys (and girls who appreciate nice breasts and ass) salivating. Sure, she was nice to look at throughout the movie, but that’s all. She didn’t quite pull off the sexy character for me. For me. The boys behind me (and the one next to me, i’m sure) didn’t care.