And in other news….
“Cool your jets turbo!”
Those were the last words heard by Oldlady Bagobones today, before being catapulted across the train tracks and through the windows of the Moxies on the corner of 8st & 7th ave Sw today. The woman was thrown to her death by a woman known only as Sly, after getting off the southbound train on the 8th St platform.
When asked why she had done such a heinous act, Sly had this to say: “Here’s what happened. I was standing in front of the doors waiting for the train to stop so I could get off the train. Suddenly, I feel an arm come around from behind me gripping the pole I was holding on to. A lady was doing this in order to get in front of me. She proceeded to push me towards this man, with questionable stains on his clothes, standing against the driver car wall. Now I don’t like getting pushed, let alone being forced to be pressed against random, ugly, dirty strangers. So I told her she could relax because I was also getting off at the same stop.”
Sly also had this to say: “Usually when I want off at a stop and there are people in front of me, I say excuse me and ask if they are also getting off. I usually respond well to those who do the same with me when I’m in front of them. I guess this old Bagobones thought her time was more valuable than everyone else on the train.”
After Mrs. Bagobones got off the train, behind Sly, she proceeded to rush her way through the small crowd that had gotten off the same train. Sly watched her make her way through. At one point, not far in front of her now, she watched as Mrs. Bagobones pushed a 3 year old, holding hands with his mother, out of her way so she could hurry along faster. This was more than Sly could bare apparently, because this is when she ran to Oldlady, told her to “cool her jets” and threw her across the tracks.
I hope that we can all take away from this story that, contrary to what you may believe, your time is not more valuable than that of the other patrons on the train or bus. If you’re in a hurry, no one on that train or bus with you gives a crap. Sure, if you’re an old lady, your time is valuable to you because you don’t have much left. However, I assure you, people like Sly really don’t care. If you shove them or A 3 YEAR OLD BOY, you will be catapulted across the tracks.