I listen to the radio for 8 hours a day at work. It’s either that or silence, so I opt for radio, even though I don’t like any of the stations. The stations that play music I do like are very repetitive, and unfortunately play the other crap I don’t like either. Things like 5 cents change and so on.

I have to say there are some pretty funny/dumb song lyrics out there. I can understand a song sung by some kid being silly. Especially if they wrote it themselves. I would never make fun of a child on my site. Ok, I might, but I’d like to point out that none of these lyrics are from Bieber or Cyrus. I forgive their silly lyrics due to the fact that they have not experienced life yet.

These songs are sung by grown ups. Not just grown ups, but people who seem to think they’re badass and therefore super duper cool. No so.

1. Generic rockband-”Nobody wins when everyone’s losing.”: Why is it dumb? Well, because it’s redundant. This is from one of those Theory of a Nicked Eleven “rock” bands. I don’t know which one. They all sound exactly the same to me. A bunch of middle aged douches standing on slightly bent knees, moving slightly back and forth until the point in the song where they move away from the mic dramatically to showcase their ROCK moves. Anyway, every time I hear this song lyric I cringe. It’s like saying everyone gets wet if they go in the water or something equally as obvious. This is the best they could come up with? Why not just say, “everyone’s unhappy and it sucks for all of us.”

2. Ke$ha-”Boys want to touch my junk.”: Oh my. This whole song makes my head hurt. Tik Tok Boom should’ve been the name, because it makes my head want to explode. Her new one does too. Bla Bla Bla. Eloquent, poignant and relevant. Only a few words not in this tart’s vocabulary. This chick looks and sounds drunk all of the time. I’ve heard her compared as a mix of Pink, LadyGaga and Avril Lavigne mixed together. All this means is that she has no originality and had to take from better artists (except for Avril, sorry, not a fan) to gain an image. Perhaps boys want to touch her junk because she comes off as an easy lay, and “boys” don’t like a challenge? “Hey, that drunk chick over there looks like she’ll give it up to anyone willing to buy her a drink” is not really a look anyone should aspire for.

3.Hedley- “I want to dance on your body the way I shake it on stage.”: I’ve seen this guy on TV performing on stage, so this mental image is a little disturbing. If he were to dance on anyone’s body the way he shakes it, like a kid that’s been deprived of his ADD medication for a week, she’d shove him off and tell him to rent a good quality porn and learn a thing or two. Not that crap they show you for free on the net. The good stuff. Women don’t want to be jack hammered. Some might, but I myself am not a fan of someone thrashing around on or near me while I’m naked. There’s kinky, and then there’s scary and painful in a bad way.

4. Timerland/Timberlake-”I’ll have you open all night like a IHop.”: I actually like this song. This duo makes good danceable tunes. It’s still a stupid line. The whole song is pretty much a metaphor on how they’re going to have sex all night by comparing her to an all night diner. Sexy. Hearing it makes me more hungry than horny myself. Is that weird? I don’t like pancakes so much, but when Justin is singing about it, I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be drenched in butter and maple syrup.

5. (Same song as above) “Is it full of myself to want you full of me?”: Ok, so it’s kind of a funny line, and its sexual undertone is really obvious. The answer to this question would be yes. If some guy I just met used this on me, I’d slap him. Or kick him in the balls and tell him to fill up on manners. I don’t understand how guys think this kind of line would get us going. Maybe some girls would. The same ones singing song referring to their female genitalia as junk perhaps?

6. Black Eyed Peas- “Imma be ya banker loading out semen”: Need I say more?

These are just a few of the silly song lyrics I subject myself to daily. There are many more I’m sure. Feel free to send me your suggestions. I always like a good laugh or eye roll.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 4th, 2010 at 2:27 pm and is filed under Random Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.