Archive for March, 2010

Telephone: My Interpretation

Saturday, March 27th, 2010

For those who are confused and interested, here’s a sort of explanation for the “Telephone” video. I’m not sure what it is, but people really don’t seem to get it. I saw a very funny parody yesterday, but the point of it was that the video doesn’t make sense.

Her video’s rarely have anything to do with the songs they’re accompanying anymore. “Just Dance” and “Poker Face” were a little more direct, but in the last couple she’s kind of trying to tell a story.

So here’s my interpretation of “Telephone”. Seen out of context, it does seem like just a random messed up video. Perhaps if you watch “Paparazzi” first, you can piece it together yourself. Telephone is a sequel to it. In Paparazzi, her boyfriend, played by Alex Scarsgard (the sexy Eric of True Blood), throws her off a balcony. She’s hospitalized, bound to a wheelchair, then crutches, until she eventually gets better and kills him with poison. At the end she makes a call to 911 confessing this crime.

(more…)

1
Posted in Random Rants |

LOST: Now We Know

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

Lost is nearing it’s end, and boy has it been a messed up, confusing journey. A wonderful one. For those of you who aren’t caught up on the show, you may not want to read this as it kind of contains some mini-spoilers.

Where? When? Who? What? And now Why?

Those are all the questions we’ve asked ourselves over the last couple of years regarding the Island in Lost. Island with a capital I, because it is indeed the main character of the show, whether we knew it or not.

(more…)

0
Posted in Television |

SNN (SlyNewsNetwork)

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

And in other news….

“Cool your jets turbo!”

Those were the last words heard by Oldlady Bagobones today, before being catapulted across the train tracks and through the windows of the Moxies on the corner of 8st & 7th ave Sw today. The woman was thrown to her death by a woman known only as Sly, after getting off the southbound train on the 8th St platform.

When asked why she had done such a heinous act, Sly had this to say: “Here’s what happened. I was standing in front of the doors waiting for the train to stop so I could get off the train. Suddenly, I feel an arm come around from behind me gripping the pole I was holding on to. A lady was doing this in order to get in front of me. She proceeded to push me towards this man, with questionable stains on his clothes, standing against the driver car wall. Now I don’t like getting pushed, let alone being forced to be pressed against random, ugly, dirty strangers. So I told her she could relax because I was also getting off at the same stop.”

(more…)

0
Posted in Random Rants |

“Eclipse” Official Poster: Who Looks Drunk

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

I know most, if not all, of you don’t give a crap about this franchise. That doesn’t mean you can’t read on to see me make fun of this picture.

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm146312192/tt1325004

“It all begins…..with a choice”. Too bad they chose this shot of Kristin Stewart.

The above link is for the “official new Eclipse movie”. Robert Pattinson is looking good. So is cutie pattotie Taylor Lautner. Take a look at Kristin Stewart’s eyes. Is it just me or does she look kind of drunk? Or bored? I don’t know, but her left eye looks like it’s drooping, and it’s just not flattering. It’s downright funny to me.

This girl has a serious case of “Bitch Face” ,as I like to call it, in her pictures. This is where a woman looks bitchy all the time. Even if they’re not bitchy, it just looks like it. She isn’t bitchy all the time, in fact she’s really cute in some interviews I’ve seen. I guess I would probably look bitchy in most of my pictures too if I was surrounded by a bunch of teenage girls screaming at my co-star. It’s almost like she’s trying to do the Megan Fox pose sometimes. Where she looks sultry in everything? Because Megan Fox is a hottie, it works for her. Not so much for this girl.

She also has a case of the “Chris O’donell”. This is where someone has their mouth open most of the time. Also, her hair extensions are really obvious. Is that a Bumpits? My goodness, this poor girl.

Ok, I’m done making fun of this poor girl’s unfortunate shot. My point here? Someone really should have gotten the “America’s Next Top Model” judges on this picture, because it never would’ve made it to the “official” status due to “droopy eye” and hair that stands unnaturally high off her head. This girl is cuter than this picture is giving her credit for. Seriously. Drunk in love isn’t what they were going for with the movies.

2
Posted in Random Rants |

3D Movies: The Gimmick Du Jour

Saturday, March 20th, 2010
Gimmick (noun):
1. an ingenious or novel device, scheme, or stratagem, esp. one designed to attract attention or increase appeal.
2. a concealed, usually devious aspect or feature of something, as a plan or deal: An offer that good must have a gimmick in it somewhere.
3. a hidden mechanical device by which a magician works a trick or a gambler controls a game of chance.
Gimmick (verb):
4. to equip or embellish with unnecessary features, esp. in order to increase saleability, acceptance, etc.

My buddy Dave sent me this link on Facebook:   http://www.slashfilm.com/2010/03/18/all-warner-bros-tentpole-movies-will-be-released-in-3d/

After reading it, this was my comment response:
“Wha….But….wait…All of them???!!! I can’t see in 3D you a-holes!!! As a visually impaired individual, I take offense. I want to see my DC comics in regular D!!! I don’t need spiderwebs and batman pecks to thrust towards me from the screen. Ho hum. Also, since I can’t enjoy the experience, I don’t see why I should have to pay for it.”
1
Posted in Movies |

Review: Alice In Wonderland

Saturday, March 13th, 2010

Or, as it should have been named, Alice In Underland. But that’s just my opinion.

I know that there has been some debate about whether or not it was a good idea for “them” to make this movie as a sequel that takes place years later, as opposed to sticking with the original story. Let me ask you this. What happens in the original version of the story? If you know the answer, then why the hell would you want to see it again? I think it was more interesting to add more characters and a less predictable ending than telling the same story for the 300th time.

I won’t bother with a synopsis. If you don’t know what happened in the original, then you are a movie/literary noob. So what the hell are you reading my blog for? Stop reading this immediately and start your film education. All you need is a video store rental card and a couple of hours a day. After a couple of years, you too could be a movie snob, looking down on those who think it’s a good idea to go see the same movie 4 times in theaters instead of diversifying and watching something that makes you have to use your brain. Ok, I’m done. Moving on…..

(more…)

1
Posted in Movies |

2010 Academy Awards

Monday, March 8th, 2010

In 17 years of watching the Oscars, I am confident in saying that last night’s award show was my least favorite.

I should mention that at no point in this entry will I talk about who wore what or who looked the best.

Before the show even began, there were 3 reasons I was not excited about it. The first reason; the acting categories were all so predictable that I didn’t care about them. The second and third reasons; Steve and Alec. I was not looking forward to them hosting. I’m not a big fan of either of them and I didn’t think they could carry the Oscars. I was right.

When the show opened with Neil Patrick Harris singing and dancing, I thought I may have been wrong about the show being boring this year. He was fantastic! Great energy and start to the show. Then Steve and Alec came on and the energy went with NPH backstage and stayed there for the next 4 hours. The hosts had a few funny things to say during their opening, but mostly their jokes fell flat. I thought they were boring and that their self deprecating “we’re old, these young people don’t know who we are” comments were inappropriate. Morgan Freeman is older than both of them and has somehow managed to stay relevant to young and old audiences. Steve and Alec were forgettable and felt absent throughout the show. I kept waiting for Steve to whip out his banjo and sing us a tune. Thankfully, he didn’t.

(more…)

0
Posted in Television |

Dear Celebrity Rehab;…..

Sunday, March 7th, 2010

Please look up the word “celebrity” in the dictionary and cast accordingly.Otherwise, may I suggest changing the name of your show to “Has-been rehab”?

The residents currently occupying your rehab facility are no longer celebrated for anything, so far as I can tell. I have either never hear of them, or heard of them 20 years ago when I was 9, and didn’t care about them then either.

I would also like to comment on having these people on T.V at all. It is my opinion that someone who used to be famous who then turned to drugs or alcohol, either because they couldn’t cope with their fame or because they had some other bull-shit problem they couldn’t deal with on their own, should not be granted the privilege of being on television. They chose to screw up their lives and throw away their money by turning to drugs and alcohol rather than using their millions, which the rest of us will never have, to seek the professional help you are offering them on your show. So screw them. Seriously, let them rot.

I understand that these people are perhaps the only people you can get to be on the show, seeing how an actual current celebrity would never stoop to showcasing their crackie ways on television. However, I think that if you were to implement an incentive program, perhaps you will get some takers. Things like free designer shoes, plastic surgery and instruments. To replace the ones they sold off buying crack.

Thank you for your attention;
Sylvia

0
Posted in Television |

Song Lyrics

Thursday, March 4th, 2010

I listen to the radio for 8 hours a day at work. It’s either that or silence, so I opt for radio, even though I don’t like any of the stations. The stations that play music I do like are very repetitive, and unfortunately play the other crap I don’t like either. Things like 5 cents change and so on.

I have to say there are some pretty funny/dumb song lyrics out there. I can understand a song sung by some kid being silly. Especially if they wrote it themselves. I would never make fun of a child on my site. Ok, I might, but I’d like to point out that none of these lyrics are from Bieber or Cyrus. I forgive their silly lyrics due to the fact that they have not experienced life yet.

These songs are sung by grown ups. Not just grown ups, but people who seem to think they’re badass and therefore super duper cool. No so.

1. Generic rockband-”Nobody wins when everyone’s losing.”: Why is it dumb? Well, because it’s redundant. This is from one of those Theory of a Nicked Eleven “rock” bands. I don’t know which one. They all sound exactly the same to me. A bunch of middle aged douches standing on slightly bent knees, moving slightly back and forth until the point in the song where they move away from the mic dramatically to showcase their ROCK moves. Anyway, every time I hear this song lyric I cringe. It’s like saying everyone gets wet if they go in the water or something equally as obvious. This is the best they could come up with? Why not just say, “everyone’s unhappy and it sucks for all of us.”

(more…)

1
Posted in Random Rants |