In a previous Random Rant I expressed my hate for some commercials. Sadly, not much has changed, except of course that there are now new stupid commercials for me to bitch about.
Before I go on, I have to give kudos to an awesome commercial. It’s the new Old Spice commercial. If you haven’t seen it yet, watch it here.
I would wager a bet to say that a woman came up with this idea. Seriously, when Zaal and I saw this, neither one of us could look away, and we burst into laughter after it was done. It captivated my attention. It’s clever, the man is very attractive and, sadly, is not my man. I love my husband, but let’s be honest, this guy is hot. It’s not contrived, like other commercials looking to use sex appeal. It’s an unknown guy showcasing random predominantly female fantasies. And some male ones too I’m sure.
Enough about this awesome commercial. Let’s talk about this stupid yogurt commercial. Now we’ve seen the ones that make your bowels move better after eating it 14 days straight (it has to be 14 days straight!!!! ) and apparently give you the ability to belly dance! Clang Clang! Figure 8 those hips ladies! Now what about the one that inspires a musical? Yes, eat this low fat yogurt and you’ll have man servants twirling you around with silver platters full of a variety of yogurts! I wonder how proud that woman was of getting this acting gig. Guess what mom??? I got a commercial. I get to poorly redo an iconic Marilyn Monroe number, only instead of singing about diamonds, I’m singing about yogurt! Hooray! Peach passion fruit doesn’t exactly inspire me to sing and dance, but maybe that’s just me.
You’re gonna love my nuts. Really? We’re gonna make America skinny again, one chop at a time? Well, if the slap chop comes with a life size cut out of the man in the commercial that is to go in the kitchen, repulsing women from entering it and therefore eating less, sure. I want to slap chop this guy’s face, only it looks like someone beat me to it. He’s nasty. The fact that he beat up some poor woman willing to take money for him to touch her doesn’t help. I don’t understand how he’s allowed to be on TV. He has no charisma or charm. He’s just an ugly sleazy freak peddling useless crap I could get at Walmart. How is American going to get skinny by being lazy? Standing at a cutting board for less time is going to make them skinny? Who falls for this crap?
Ah, beer and booze commercials. You know why everyone in these commercials are so hot? Because when you consume enough beer or alcohol, everyone starts looking good. They’re giving you the view of the post consumption effect. That skinny blond woman is actually a really good drag queen. And that guy at the bar with his 5 other really hot guy friends? Yeah, he’s actually 45 and balding slightly.
You could also argue that the commercials are full of bar staff. You have to be hot to be a bar tender or server at these places. Guys don’t want to be served overpriced beers by overweight ugly people. Women too. We’re not above being shallow either. (Old Spice hunk anyone?)
I myself do not frequent bars or clubs. I did that when I was 18 and that’s about when it stopped being fun. My idea of a good future partner in life is not so much an idiot who will waste money going to bars to ogle chicks kissing each other for free drinks. I like my men to have an above average IQ, covered in Greek hair, to be anti-social with a low tolerance of woman looking to score cash for flashing her Wonderbra enhanced C-cups, who would rather stay at home and play computer games all hours of the night and grunt occasionally when he wants something. Lucky for me, I found him when I was 20 and did not need to waste much of my life searching for this perfect specimen. Enough about the Beast.
Commercials. Some are good. Some are so annoying I have to mute the television. I actually yell at the TV, and now Zaal has taken up this habit as well. We look like a couple of ogres yelling at a picture box. Makes for good fun.
Now go watch the Old Spice commercial again. It’s too awesome not to.