The radio is on in the background and the DJ is attempting to make conversation with his “audience” by asking people to call in with what people do that annoy them when they go see a movie in theaters.
To be honest, and not surprisingly, many things annoy me at the movies. In a perfect world I would own my own theater and I wouldn’t have to tolerate other people at all when I’m trying to get lost in a world and story that is not my own. Someday I will have my own in home theater in my basement. I will have seats with drink holders and a little table for the popcorn bowl. I will be the host of many awesome marathons. Only a select few will be invited. A girl can dream can’t she? Geez.
Sure there’s the annoying ass behind me that kicks my seat. I hate that. Holy baby jeebus do I ever. People who keep crossing and uncrossing their legs with no regard for the unstable crazy lady in front should be shot.
There’s also the nacho eater. Now I know those damn things are big and difficult to fit in your mouth in one bite. So what me and my genius friends do is break them in half prior to the movie starting. BECAUSE IT’S DISTRACTING WHEN SOMETHING IS HAPPENING ON THE SCREEN, LIKE PRECIOUS IS OPENING UP TO THE TEACHER FOR EXAMPLE, AND THE BITCH IN FRONT OF YOU STARTS CHOMPING ON HER DAMN NACHO! Ok, I’m done.
Phones. Need I say more? Unless you’re an on call doctor or someone important, keep the damn thing off. That includes texts. The bright little screen makes the dragon lady in my head go cuckoo and you’re apt to get your phone dunked into my pop. Heaven forbid you should answer the damn thing. Oh my. I’m not there to listen to your uninteresting juvenile conversations.
Talking in general really annoys me. I don’t pay to go see a movie just so I have to listen to the low level IQ commentary from the idiots surrounding me. If you absolutely have to say something to someone, get close, put your hand in front of your mouth and whisper. Now if you’re pregnant and in labor, feel free to scream. If you have spontaneously combusted and need someone to douse you with their diet coke, have at it. But if you just think you’re funnier than the script writers and feel the need to add some idiotic comment in order to entertain the people around you, please keep it to yourself. I assure you my movie experience has never been enhanced by the shit head behind me who thought saying “touch her tits” was funny.
The one and only time I was ever amused by a spontaneous outburst at the movies was during “X-men Origins:Wolverine”. When the douchebag army guy (sorry, it’s been a while) tries to talk Wolverine into coming back to fight for his country, Wolverine says “I’m Canadian”. My husband chose this moment to make a fist, pump it in the air and scream “YEAH!”. The stupid lady a few rows added “no he’s not, he’s australian”. She was stupid. But my husband, funny. I may be biased here.
Which brings me to the title of this post. I hate, absolutely, positively abhor, when stupid people go to the movies. What I mean is, those people who can’t follow the story, or have missed something because they were too busy eating nachos or checking their phone because John or Jane may have sent them something super duper important via text and it just couldn’t be ignored for 2 hours. Or they really are just dumb. Those people get lost at some point and have to get an explanation from the apparently smarter person they’re with. So for a minute the poor bastard has to explain to this moron that Bruce Willis is dead, and the kid was the only person who could see him. That’s why no one else talked to him. ETC…. So I think there should be an intelligence rating on movies. So I never have to sit through another explanation of something I already know because I’m not stupid and I was paying attention.
Too harsh? Too bad.
I choose to think of my response and the ladies response as being sexually motivated.
She saw the actor behind the character and decided she would like to sleep with him. This is her being rooted in the present and not being able to suspend her disbelief.
I on the other hand was approaching the Wolverine/Hugh Jackman dichotomy with suspended disbelief which was helped, in part, by me NOT wanting to sleep with Hugh Jackman. Not that it would be wrong to do so, but I just don’t dig on Australians.
So I understand her position but still wish she had chosen a better time to display her lust.
Make sense?