My friend Dave has a text stalker. Only it’s not Dave he’s trying to stalk. It’s some guy called Keefe. The stalker’s name is Mark.

Mark has apparently been texting Dave for months now. Dave has tried on numerous occasions to ensure this guy that he isn’t Keefe. Doesn’t know Keefe. Never heard of Keefe.

Mark just isn’t convinced.

The following is the email he sent me of the latest text exchange that took place yesterday, January 27, 2010.

—————————————————————————————————

This is the conversation I had with a guy who I found out in previous texts is called Mark M. He has the wrong number in his phone. He thinks I am a guy named Keefe.

Mark M.

Fwd:FW: Fwd: Wear red for Haiti tomorrow Tuesday January 19. Please!
Pass this on.

Me
What’s that going to do for Haiti? You think that a Bunch of people
wearing red to work is going to make having a building fall on you
less devastating? GIVE MONEY! And while you’re at it you should maybe
reflect on the fact that you have more than one outfit to wear. It’s
not wrong to have what we have but it is wrong to take it for granted.
Now stop texting me I do not work for you.

Mark M.
Fwd:FWD: Fwd:Fwd: FWD: ;FWD: FWD: Fwd:Fwd:Fwd:FWD: Fwd:Phone
companies agreed to donate 25 cents for Haiti everytime this message
is sent.

(Now I am trying to ignore him… It doesn’t work.)

Mark M.
Fwd:Fwd: ;Fwd:Msg: if you need a friend(text me) need a laugh (call
me) need a hug (ask me)…if you get 5 back your a good friend :

(Now I’m pissed a little.)

Me
STOP TEXTING ME YOUR USELESS SHIT, JACK HOLE.:-/

Mark M.
Woah keefe watch the language

Me
I’m not keefe you simple idiot. I have told you three time already.
You have the wrong # in your phone. I do not have the ability to block
your # so please go into your phone and remove my #.

Just for the record, your chain letter texts are most likely pissing
off all your friends but they don’t want to tell you. DON’T TEXT ME
AGAIN.

Mark M.
Y?

Me
You are some kind of ass hat. Did you eat a lot of paint chips when
you were a kid?

Mark M.
Is this even keefe from lcs?

Me
Keefe is in the basement Mark. He has a shovel and he is digging a
hole for you and your fat head. Unfortunatly I don’t think you can
kill stupid so we might have to bury you alive Mark.

Mark M.
Only problem this that im far from being a fat ass.

Me
Well that is impressive. You confused “fat head” with ” fat ass”.
Perhaps your head is so far up your ass you can’t tell them apart.
Well it’s been fun Mark, but I have to go to work now. Have the guy
holding your leash explain what that is to you and ask him to use
small words.

late-a gate-a
Dave