Gaming widow. A common name some of us get called. For those of you not familiar with it, it’s the term used to describe the significant other of a certain breed of gamer. It implies that when your husband, wife or partner in an online gamer, you’ve lost them in your life. At least until they get hungry or need to go to the bathroom.
Sure there are some moderate gamers out there. They only go online for a few hours here and there. But then there’s the other kind. The kind that made it so there was actually a need to classify their wives, husbands etc. with the term “gaming widow”.
I first heard this term a few years ago. I thought it was hilarious. Then it dawned on me that some people out there may not have my sense of humor. Perhaps they don’t understand the appeal the gamers in their lives have for the online game experience.
My husband told me once that some wives out there don’t even let their husbands use teamspeak. Don’t let them? How do they get away with that? If my husband told me I couldn’t do something, you know what I’d do? Let’s just say if we were on TV, “expletive deleted” would be needed on numerous occasions. I’m sure, however, that there are wives out there who have asked their husbands nicely to not use it and, being the considerate creatures they are, they’ve complied.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand why they find it annoying. You’re in a room with someone talking to someone else you can’t see. Usually their back is to you, and they’re talking to a computer monitor. It looks crazy. You only hear one side of a, let’s face it, ridiculous conversation. Out of nowhere you’ll hear “get out, get out, get out” or “grenade!” if he’s playing a war based game. It’s a little unnerving. Grenade? Where?!? Oh wait, he’s talking about the other world he lives in.
If he’s playing one of the other types of games, the most common ones, like WOW or LOTRO, you’re more likely to hear something like “cast a healing spell already” or “grab the loot off that orc.” Not quite as intense. Thankfully, this is the type of game my husband prefers. It still sounds crazy. But I find it amusing.
When I heard about teamspeak, the ability to talk to your team mates, guild mates or whatever you want to call them, I thought it was awesome. How cool is that? Believe it or not, I’d rather he talk to them than have to listen to his frantic typing when he’s excited and trying to communicate and, at the same time, trying not to get killed.
As far as him spending all his time on the computer rather than with me, who cares? He’s at home, and in the living room with me. I don’t need him sitting next to me every waking moment we’re at home together. What for? So we can hold hands and talk about our feelings? Please. I get the remote. We spend time together when we want to. If I want him to watch a movie with me, I pick a movie he likes too. Or ask him to go out to a movie with me. Maybe I’ll suggest we go to diner. It’s like we’re dating all the time. It’s lovely.
Sure sometimes I wish he’d spend more time with me. Or that he’d suggest us doing something instead of me coming up with something for us to do. I understand why he doesn’t. He’s never bored. He’s always got something to do without ever having to leave the apartment. His “friends” are a click away if you will. His thirst for knowledge is unquenchable. If he’s not playing online, he’s surfing the net.
Now I wasn’t always this understanding. And my husband wasn’t always so quick to get off his computer to come to spend time with me. I did this experiment once a few years ago. Mostly to prove my point that he does spend more time on the computer than with me. He seemed to be in some sort of denial. And I failed to see that, while he’s off in another world filled with magical characters playing a ranger or an elf, he was still at home with me.
So I started keeping track of his time spent on the computer versus time spent with me. I did this for a week. I had 2 columns, Sylvia on one side, and the computer on the other. I started it on a Monday. He worked days, and had weekends off. So here’s how it went.
Monday: 6 hours for the computer and 1hour with me. Tuesday: Same. Now he knew about my list. I told him I was going to do it. I think at first he thought I was being a baby. That being said, when Wednesday came around he came home from work and, instead of going straight to the computer and turning it on, he sat on the couch and watched TV with me. After about an hour I looked at him and asked “are you just trying to get more time on the Sylvia side?” He laughed and said yes. I knew what he was doing, and why, but it didn’t matter. He was making an effort on his own accord.
Something must have worked because by the end of the week the computer column wasn’t winning by much. He was trying to spend time with me because he could see it made him look bad on paper to be on the computer so much. I got a whole day on the weekend. We went out to a movie, went shopping and had a good time. When we got home he sat with me on the couch. I put in a movie I liked and told him to get on his computer and have fun. True story.
I think that because I don’t nag at him for being on the computer all the time he appreciates me and our relationship more and tries that much harder to make me happy. He spends time with me because he wants to. Not because I’ve threatened him or nagged him into doing it.
I guess my point is I never wanted to force him to spend time with me. All that would do is cause him to resent me. Who wants to be forced to do something they don’t really want to do? Or have to give up something they love doing? I’m a grown woman. I have ways of entertaining myself. I have a ridiculously large movie/TV show collection. I have lots of books I own and have yet to read. My best friend is next door. I have friends I hang out with, go to the pub and movies with. I don’t have a husband so he can entertain me. If we spent all our free time together we’d get pretty sick of each other.